Was my picture in His plans?

Well, as you can see from my first post, my husband, Ryan, and I lost a baby in January of 2008... it took a while to heal both physically and emotionally, and since then we've been excited at the thought of another pregnancy and welcoming a little one into our family.

We've hit a snag and have been unable to become pregnant again since.

Last summer I had a wonderful moment while spilling my heart to my Father... and in the midst of my struggles He said to me, "We can do things your way, and have limits... or we can do things my way and you can experience miracles."

I love to make plans and goals of what I want to accomplish. However, one of my greatest struggles is giving up control to God, who I know has a plan for me. I still praise God for hearing my cries and knowing my heart... but I also still struggle with knowing how much I can do before I'm taking the control away from Him.

This is something that I have to give to Him each day, and each day He tells me to remember to trust Him. Like Proverbs 5 and 6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight."

Still, I am human and I struggle...

The following is a poem I read on the Stepping Stones website, a site for couples facing infertility or pregnancy loss. It reminds me that though there is an aching, I can't sit idly by; though I at times feel empty, He is there to fill me up.

I had a certain picture
Of how my life would be.
But I forgot to ask my Lord
What He had planned for me.

Just one life to fill my womb,
All my dreams leaned toward.
But idle waiting no one serves,
And least of all, the Lord.

How precious still the things I have
I'd somehow lost sight of,
God did whisper to my heart,
"Hold dear those things I love."

My heart did break to let it go,
This certain path I'd planned.
But in its place, He gave me life
New purpose from His hand.

When it seems that hope is lost,
The Quiet too much to bear,
He comes to me and comforts me
And says, "Child, I'm still here."

He wipes the flood of tears away,
Brings newness to my soul.
Then takes away the shame I feel
And somehow makes me whole.

Never have I walked so close
That I could call Him "Friend."
He drew me nigh, right to His heart
And let me glimpse within.

I thank the Lord for emptiness
Where life still does not grow
For oft' His richest blessing,
On the surface, does not show.

He may return what I've let go,
Or just want me to see:
"You may not have just what you want,
But always, you'll have Me."

(©2009 Bethany Christian Services)