I was at the doctors several times last week, and we'd prepared to try for a successful pregnancy this month.
For those who don't know, I've been off of BC for years but because my cycles are long it's been difficult to time things well. Sometime in December 2007 we became pregnant but I miscarried at the end of January 2008. After a painful D&C it took months for my body to get back to normal. We began trying again in late spring 2008 and now (Summer 2009) we're still praying for a little one to join our family.
In December I started seeing my ObGyn for fertility treatments, but both Ryan and I decided that we were willing to try ovulation stimulation but not more.
This month I Ovulated on June 15th (confirmed by several sonograms)... a big surprise was that 3 follicles had matured by O day!! Which is strange because at the end of last week there was only 1... either way, Ryan and I are thrilled!
Now it's the 18th and 3DPO... I've got a ton of work to do this month, and so I'm going crazy trying to get these thoughts out of my mind... what's going on in my body now? Did any eggs get fertilized? How many? where are they? will they implant? when? ??????????? AGH!!!!!!!
This is SOOOOO hard for a gal who wants to trust in God, but has a hard time not knowing what's going on... I NEED to know... I NEED to relax and trust in God... BAH!
Spending more time in prayer these days... and Ryan and I are praying over the belly each night...
It used to be that a good devo, quiet time and prayer would refresh me for hours... now it seems that shortly after I'm worried all over again...
Father, you are the giver of life and my life and the lives of any future babies are in your hands. Thank you for all the blessings you have given me. Teach me to be more patient and trust in you. I know that you would let me control my life and it would have limits... but your will for me is more than I could ever imagine... so my trust is in you. Comfort me in these next few weeks and remind me of your presence when I feel alone. Turn your face upon me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.